Slo', Quiet, Mysterious, Twisted, Private thoughts

Horray to our Malaysian Leaders... or shud it be HooHaa???!

2006-06-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

Read an article in the local daily about the government wanting to come clean to the citizens. WTF! Like it is such a big deal or a BIG plus that the government is ready to TALK?! We the citizens; normal everyday Malaysians contributed to the current government being elected, and they have to make it sound like it's a bloody BIG thing for them to inform us of what 'em jokers are doing with regards to certain decisions being made??? What a freagin joke!

Here's the link to the article... skof!www.nst.com.my/Current_News/nst/Tuesday/Frontpage/20060613072234/Article/index_html

As a response, I submitted a comment on the article. Here's what I said...

"With all these hoohas and finger pointing, it does not in anyway give me confidence in the way the country has been run or is going to be run. Nevertheless, the government has the benefit of the doubt and we as citizens have every right for a certain degree of explanations regarding decisions made. Afterall, who do you think voted them up into the government?!

The government has to always remember that they are 'up there' because of us, the everyday people. They should not act so high and mighty. It is ridiculous to say that the government does not have to answer regarding certain issues. By saying that, are you saying that the government is so exclusive and that it is beyond citizen's queries? Where's your pledge to the nation, and mind you, the nation includes us the citizens! Do not forget your roots!

We'll just wait to see if this government is everything that it says it is. PM, you have every obligation to prove to Malaysians that you are for real and that you have what it takes to stay up there. "

It's a wonderful day!

2006-05-15T10:04:00.000+08:00

Guys, it's just a wonderful day. It's all great for me... Seeing things positively instead of negatively really does wonders! Seeing positive in shitty situations is down right tough in the beginning, but in the end, it makes one a less bitter person! Oh what else can I say except that I'm choosing to be happy and I am really happy! Kudos! YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

Random postings while waiting for me flight... ~sigh~

2006-05-05T16:14:00.000+08:00

So, I've come to KLIA 2 hours early! I'm now seated in Burger King, just burning time... well, killing time... more like it. Come to think of it, I should have just left my office at 3pm and not 2pm.

My car's left in the office compound, under a tree. Hopefully it'll still be there when I get back to KL on Monday. Besides that, ... I'm just wanting to go to ze toilet which is right beside me, but who's gonna watch my stuff?! Darn! Hmmms... I'll work something out.

It's now 4:20pm. I'll be boarding at 5:10pm. So yea... that's my rather 'exciting' random post. Hope I'll enjoy my own post! Ta...ta...!

Love is effort... Effort is love...

2006-04-28T01:09:00.000+08:00

Love is effort... Effort is love... ? Too little too late? Love is effort... Effort is love... I'm sorry, but didn't someone just say that? and...

Things have changed... Times have changed...

2006-04-26T13:55:00.000+08:00

Mooving on... Sayonara old life!

Heaven is real! Hell is real!

2006-04-16T12:28:00.000+08:00

Face it, we'll all die! It could be today, tomorrow, in a weeks time in a month's time or in the next few years! But what happens when we all die? Where do we go? Do we just fade from existance into non-existance?!

If so, why are we here for?! Are we just a result from evolution? But why? Something or someone must be behind all these. What made evolution all start? It does not make sense...

As for me, I've come to the conclusion that Heaven and Hell are both so real! It's one or the other. It's just a choice we would make on earth. What makes me so sure? One of the reasons being this> www.aglimpseofeternity.com

I'm just tired...

2006-04-16T12:14:00.000+08:00

I'm tired... There's so much to say, so much to argue about, so much to think about. I just cannot understand her sometimes. She says that she's not wanting to change me, but she keeps bringing up the same matter time and time again! She says that it's coz she sees me not doing what I was supposed to do. I ain't changing instantly! She says she knows, but then why does she have to bring up the same thing over and over again?! Within the span of about a week or 2 weeks at a time?! What does she take me for? What part of I am only human does she not understand? What part of not pushing me does she not understand? I just am drained... I need to focus my mind on something else... I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm emotionally wounded... ~sigh~

Malaysian police force 'was' among the best in developing countries???

2006-04-04T09:10:00.000+08:00

"If you think you are smarter than us (the top-brass), tell me your ideas. Otherwise, keep quiet and follow the directives..."
"Mohd Bakri said the Malaysian police force was among the best in developing countries, but at the same time urged the members to emulate their counterparts in Finland, which was the safest country in the world."
-adapted from www.thestaronline.com Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Amongst the BEST?! I just have to laugh my head off! I didn't know that the Malaysian police force was that f****** good?! (Maybe in the FAR past, they were, but definitely not now!) Did you know that?! Have you seen evidence of it?! I think in a MAJORITY of cases... NOT! I can't imagine these jokers up there saying stuff like this! If they are really not that good, admit it and do some blurdy thing about it!

I'm not implying that ALL the police force are useless, but a MAJORITY~! Do you read the newspapers? How many times do you read of cops potraying themselves as being amongst the best in developing countries?! Look at the statistics of how many murder cases are actually solved versus how many cases are reported. What about theft?! And rape and murder?! More often than ever, these jokers fail to do their job and bring the culprits to the gallows! I am not merely accussing without proof... The facts are all out there for everyone to see. Be it personal experiences with the police, a friend's experience, reports in the newspapers, statistics published in newspapers... etc.

FYI, if the rest of the developing country's police force are really worse of than ours, I think they'd be in turmoil~ They would even be at war. BUT, do you see that?! With an exception of 2 or 3 countries, I don't think so!

Here's just one of the many examples of articles about our so highly overated police force...

Now after all these, those jokers up there just had to claim that our police force was amongst the best in developing countries?! Wahahaha! I'd just SCOFF at the mention of it...

The world is a vampire!

2006-03-31T14:47:00.000+08:00

I've a new tag hangin on the wall of my cubical. I've come to realise that ... The world is a vampire! < Smashing Pumpkins Look around us... the world, our surroundings, the people around us... they just love to suck the living daylights outta us! Do I have a choice?

Coming soon! DIY Car Sound Dampening...

2006-03-27T14:16:00.000+08:00

For you guys that are into car DIY stuff, the next few posts will be on my DIY project to sound proof my car! It's started, but is put on hold a while, at least for the next few days... But my posts on it will be out within this week! Be on the look out! Till then...

p/s: Be on the look out for my Pings in Project Petaling Street Public Pinger!

My Language of Love

2006-03-23T14:28:00.000+08:00

Juzt a little something for someone...

Total A - Words of Affirmation: 9
Total B - Quality Time: 11
Total C - Receiving Gifts: 2
Total D - Acts of Service: 3
Total E - Physical Touch: 5

For others who wanna know what your love language is, click here http://www.fpgwebs.com/fivelovelang_profile.asp

Another test...

#1
Quality Time--This can be expressed either through those intimate tete-a-tete discussions or via doing things together. It's possible to get a low score in this category because you have a strong preference for one form of Quality Time over another.
#2
Acts of Service--You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.
#3
Words of Affirmation--You need to hear praise to know you are loved and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why.
#4
Touch--You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This may or may not center around sex.
#5
Gifts--You are moved by presents and physical tokens of affection. It's the fact that someone is thinking about you enough to give you something that moves you. The objects are of secondary importance to the relationship and sentiment with which they were intended.

Link: http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=lovelanguages

Wander or Wonder??? ~sigh~

2006-03-23T09:01:00.000+08:00

"My eyes seem more relaxed... I wander why?"

Ok...Ok... I get it! It's wonder, not wander! Sheeeesh! I'm gettin blurdy old! In my mind, I want to put it correctly as wonder, but my fingers fail me and it is ultimately spelt wander! I think I need an overhaul or circuit check. The signals from the brain gets distorted on the way to my fingers that do the typing. Why iz this so? Doctors? Specialists? Help! I've got the Wonder Wander Syndrome! Am I going to die??? Wahahahaha!

P/s: And what's the question mark ? doing at the end of WHY???? I'm seriously ill... I need urgent help from a speech therapist!

P/s/s: Please pray for me... ;)

I'm going so GREEN! Save my planet! (Part 2)

2006-03-22T09:25:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, I went to a nearby flea market, bought another species of fern to add to my collection in office. My colleague asked me why I liked ferns... I answered, I like the 'WILD' look! Muahahahaha! I'm just a wild child in a man's body! Beware the green barbarian! Wahahaha!

So, here are pictures of my newest addition and the two ferns together. Go green! P/s: Strangely enough, I find myself more relaxed. It's easier to breathe; more oxygen, I guess. My eyes seem more relaxed... I wander why? Wahahaha! Believe it or not!

I'm going GREEN! Save da planet!

2006-03-13T12:40:00.000+08:00

Wise words from my wise sista 'L'... "You've gotta look more at greenery, take time off between your work to look at the grass and the trees..." Supposedly, it is good on your eyes. Unfortunately tho, there aren't so many trees and grass that I can look at from my cubical, so I've decided to get meself one! One really hmmms... sexy plant, according to my manager a while ago ;)

My 'fix' of the day...

I'll haveta say, I do feel more relaxed than usual... Now what have I done the whole morning you'd say? Oh... shuts! My work! Oh well, I'm just too relaxed to bother... ;)

~SIGH~ I've gotta get me more of these plants and transform my cubical to a little secondary forest! Yay! That'll be my next project... Will update on my progress. Wish me all the best! ;)

Project Turn My Cubical into a Secondary Forest - Phase 1 Complete, Phase 2 ongoing...

To a 'special' someone...

2006-03-08T08:39:00.000+08:00

You're a true friend... a true sister... You've helped me in many ways to get on with life. Choosing to listen and listen endless times to my relentless laments. I know it does get boring after a while, but you're always there. I treasure you as a close friend in deed and am grateful that God has made a way for us to meet 7 years ago...

Wow! Time flies... but memories, they stay. Friendships... they are forever. I thank God that you're going to embark on a new point in life. To see your smiles when you're with him just brightens my day more; knowing that there is hope in life despite all the draw backs. I wish you both all God's blessings, and may your relationship flourish. Love you, sister!

"Petrol price increase for the good of all Malaysians" - R those people we've elected doing enough in the 1st place?!

2006-03-02T08:44:00.000+08:00

Read today's newspapers regarding the 30 cent price hike. It frustrates me more to say the least! The g*****ment is asking us, average Malaysians to budget properly and to cut costs. My reply: WTF! I'd ask them: "Are you, as a responsible g*****ment budgeting and spending wisely in the first place?! Are you as leaders budgeting yourself, showing good examples as leaders are supposed to????"
Our g*****ment needs to underline drastic cost cutting measures WITHIN the various ministries 1st & give the rakyats an account for how much savings they can achieve...
(and I bet it'll surely be within the range of what they'll be getting from decreasing oil price subsidies, maybe even MORE! )

That's why we elected them! Not to be 'morons' spending left and right for nothing, and in the end, taking it out on us... Using the next hot topic (global oil price increase) in order to save money for the country, whilst sweet talking us to understand that it'll all be used for the betterment of public transportation! WTF! Have a look around you, and tell me that the g*****ment has been spending wisely. I'm sure 'some' people will definitely list thousands of good deeds.

But throw that aside, look internally (which many of us have no access to) look at the seperate ministries for example. Where are all the tax payers money going? Has the g*****ment been bloody transparent enough?! Let's just take a small issue like the AeePees for example, what's the outcome of the particular ministry?! It was almost all out in the open, threatening to shed the absolute truth on the practice, and as soon as the media stopped commenting/reporting on the issue, it all went quiet! As if it never ever happened. By the way, 'she' is still up there.

So with all these little issues, I can't help wander how much of our money is actually put into good and rational use! For example, those doing or bidding tenders will surely know how tenders are being won and lost (~sigh~). The 'real' Malaysian's world does not show. The g*****ment 's world seems so far, world's apart. I need more transparency from the g*****ment !

You say that tax payer's money, and in this time and the extra money from decreased subsidy on oil will be put into good use? You've said it time and time again, but it has seldom showed! Time and time again, we're sweet talked into giving in to the g*****ment , and to be re-elected again... The message here to the g*****ment is...

"Look hard and change YOURSELF FIRST, before passing the sh*t onto your fellow rakyats(Malaysians)!"

~sigh~

Dedicated especially to average Malaysians > Salary + Price increase (Petrol/Goods) = NO TALLY!

2006-03-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

My letter to a local newspaper reads (minus all the profanities):

"We all know that oil price increase will definitely set off a string of price hikes across various consumer products. The governments attempt to control prices - Has it been as effective as claimed? The oil increase has set off a time bomb and average Malaysians are sure to suffer the consequences.

In the Malaysian context; how can we compare our prices with that of Singapore and comfort ourselves by saying that ours is far cheaper due to conversion rates? The matter of a fact is that we are earning in Ringgit, not Singapore Dollars! And it's not as if in general we're earning 2.3 times more than Singaporeans?! So a comparison of SGD1.50 a litre to MYR1.92 a litre, whilst making a conclusion that it's justifiable to increase oil price because afterall, our prices are still lower is utterly ridiculous! We might as well compare our prices to that of the US and UK. Then in this case, we should just increase the prices by 300%, and it'll still be lower than prices in the UK!

The government promises to use the extra income for the good of Malaysians, but how about those in smaller cities and towns that have mediocre road/public facilities? I would like to see all these wealth put more into these towns and cities, especially in East Malaysia.

It's not so much of the 6-10 Ringgit increase in petrol consumption a week, but more on the long effects of it; including general consumer product price increase. The problem here again is, how high does an average Malaysian salary increase in a year? How many Malaysians with fixed salaries will increase 10 or even 20% in a year? All these do not tally. Unless of course the government puts a mandate or a ruling to all employees in Malaysia, be it private or semi-government or fully government to increase salaries by 10-20% a year. Think about it."

Malaysian OIL price increase... a tribute to Malaysians...

2006-03-01T08:26:00.000+08:00

WTF!

Goons! Goons! Goons! WTF! Oil prices have increased by another 30 cents! a 20% increase! Congratulations, now a whole string of price increases are awaiting Malaysians... Goods pricing increase (by the way, the Farking 'Ppl up there' says that they will regulate prices... but as consumers/frontliners... we know damn well how bloody 'effective' these 'Ppl up there' actions are! Do we trust them? NAH!)

My take on it: Our 'Ppl up there' = assholes, baboons that enjoy whatever life has installed for them whilst killing us, below. How many of you think that those ministers pay for petrol from their own pockets??? My answer = NONE! So, do they farking care bout petrol increase? Definitely no! Electricity tarrifs going up - Do you think they even pay for all these tarrifs or even their electricity/water bills? Hmmms...

Now, today's Star newspaper compares our petrol prices of rm1.92 per litre to 1.50 Sing Dollars per litre. What da fark?! Stoopid writer! Why do we compare in terms of currency conversions?! It should be dollar to dollar comparisons! Farking IDIOT! Do we Malaysians earn in Singaporean Dollars?! IDIOT! What a 'fair' comparison. If that's the case, even if our petrol prices rises to rm3, that'll be cheaper than Singaporeans, huh? DAMN! Why don't we compare our prices to that of the US! Or let's increase prices of food, according to currency conversion rates of the UK! Yea... let's farking do it! ASSHOLES! It just can't get less ridiculous than this!

Oh, and the Malaysian 'Ppl up there' trying to be assuring that the prices will not go up for the rest of this year, and it's not guaranteed in 2007?! FARK! That's damn assuring, awright!

The 'Ppl up there' just are a bunch of goons! In the beginning, they should have counted for possible rises in world oil prices, so that they won't have to pamper Malaysians with all sorts of subsidies. In the last few yeears, oil prices went up more than 50%! And the 'Ppl up there' expects Malaysians to adapt so fast?! ASSHOLES! They don't leave room for people to have enough time to budget for these things. So, why all these blunders? Coz them planners appointed by the 'Ppl up there' in the first place were complete failures and idiots!

If they'd planned properly, they price increase would have been minimal and not have such ridiculous impact on Malaysians. What are the 'Ppl up there' doing? They promise better infrustructures... esp roads... Yea right... more roads?>! WTF for? Like we can afford driving more cars?! Like petrol is paid by the 'Ppl up there'?! What about smaller cities around Malaysia that have crap roads? What about east Malaysia? I definitely see tonnes of development in KL... and yet we have things like the MRR2 failing/needing repair, after only a short stint of usage! It's all a JOKE! Our 'Ppl up there' has a bunch of jokers that need instant SPANKING!

What's Petronas doing?! Those of us in the oil industry know their 'tricks'. How Petronas does their business? Where does the money go? What is the moeny paid to the government used for?! I tell you, it's all a conspiracy to keep Malaysians loyal to the 'Ppl up there'! In actual fact, they are just manipulating us all! We're just puppets! They have strings attached to every part of us, that we're just helpless puppets! We're doomed! Malaysia's doomed! We'll never ever move forward... EVER!

Disclaimer: This entry reflects my personal views only. Read at your own discretion. And FYI, I don't need to be lectured on the effects of supply vs demand. I farking know what it is, and I have agreed to it's effects. So stop trying to be a smart ass!

How satisfying is my job? Where's my future heading? ~sigh~

2006-02-23T10:03:00.000+08:00

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 55%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great.
And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is.
Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up.
Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

Should You Quit Your Job?

I'm almost at the end of another cross road; whether to quit my current job, which is almost to the 6th month or stay till 'further notice' (meaning till I feel like quitting in the future... AGAIN!) I don't know where I'm heading. The company does not look great from the inside, too much politics and going through turmoil! But it's got tremendous reputation and international status, but my pay SUCKS! I'm paid a normal graduates pay, slightly higher than what I'd be paid in Kuching! Damn! I should be paid much more with my working experience and qualifications! All these happening in a reknown company?! Stoopid sh*T!

Every month, I'm left to NOT HAVING ANY SAVINGS! F*rk! How can I stand being in this company for long? Of course, there are options of getting into another department, there are always options. But, it's not really what I love to do. What I lvoe to be doing seems to be in my hometown, where it seems that my doors are beginning to be opened. Yay! But I'm a few hundred Kilometers from home! How am I supposed to... How??? Why??? Arghhhh! These damn questions and uncertainties are killin me! Anyways, I'll just leave it to the result above to show my stand in my current job... Where's the passion in my job? ~sigh~ I really don't know...

St. Valentine's Day Surprize... Damn! Dat's BIG!

2006-02-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

Yuppers... Hearts! HeArTs! HEARTS! Someone must have drugged her silly... Oh well, Lavvit!
Got this from my sweetheart this morning... got my colleagues swarming like bees around my cubical just to have a glimpse of it... I think it made a few of them jealous ;) "Hmpf! I'll just call my husband now and ask him to send me flowers!" "I'll just call the florist now and have them send flowers to ME!" "Wah! Guna Pos Laju worrr!" " Siapa punye?!" (in Malay... Whose is this?) I'll just let the pictures tell the rest of da story, and Baby, I so love you!!!! ;)

Modified CArs! CaRs! CarS!

2006-01-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

Went to the car show at Bukit Jalil Stadium in Selangor. My ratings... 5 out of 10. Cheers as the standard of modification seemed very much improved... BOOs as there were mostly Proton and Perodua cars, with a few acception of Japanese cars. Expected cars like Mazda's RX7/RX8, BMWs, Merc... but they were missing! Some of the modifications done lacked finishing touches, with stickers pealing off and half completed work... some looked like last minute jobs... Nonetheless, this looks like a good start for Malaysian car mods! These are some of the better ones. Cheers!

Inside the stadium:

KraZy CaRs!

Pink's in fashion! Check this Pink Kenari out!

Last years winners with their 2006 Bat Mobile... KL style! Hmmms... Mods alone cost rm100K plus! Guess what the original car is...

Pretty lady! Look at the airbrush detail! Superb!

Herbie's Cousin??? In Malaysia?

What do you guys think??? 5 out of 10's a fair Rating?... Check out more of the cars via this link
http://photobucket.com/albums/v297/jbkc7879/Bukit%20Jalil%20Car%20Show

...a fragile one...

2006-01-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

Wat we have is so fragile, just like a rose... The circumstances and the past makes it even more fragile... A wrong touch, a wrong word threatens to harm us and the relationship... causing it to turn sour... as it is now... One can only take so much from the other... I'm just tired, scared, worried and emotionally drained... Glimpses of the past and the pain threatens to resurface in this already fragile relationship, which scares me... I don't want to hold back, but at times like these, I can't help it... I just need sometime alone... sometime to deal with the issues in my life... I'm sorry...

Mayday! Korean series JUNKIES!

2006-01-13T08:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day that'll prob rank amongst the we'rdest day of the week... more like the month or the year! You do know that Korean series/dramas/movies, especially those dealing with romance are so hot in this part of the world... Personally, I kept wondering what was all the hype, what's so cool with these series as compared to like, say Friends or Malcolm in the middle. I think this craze started to hit my mum and sister like 2-3 years ago, and it's since been seasonal.

I'm now working in KL, living with my uncle, aunt and 2 cousins. This 'seasonal' craze recently resurfaced in the family! This time it's a series called Full House. At first, I thought... Damn! Damn! There goes my LIVE football... my Friends... my Roswell... my... ~sigh~

It's near to evil, I'd say... It's like a virus that creeps into your garden, then slowly through the doors, eagerly seeking new 'blood'... new innocent blood... and WaLA! It got a hold on my cousin sister, then her mum, then her brother, then my uncle... and last but not least (Mind you I was trying to fight it! I'll not fall into the temptation... not even till my las............) ME. Yes! Arghhh! I got sucked into it! Innocently as I was, I fell... I fell really bad :(

I knew about the craze and the uniqueness of Korean movies once, when I reluctantly watched Mr Arrogant and My Sassy Girl, thanks to my gf, who was then one of my good friends... That was about 2 years ago. I thought I'd left the craze... but I guess I was soo damn wrong!

Nyways, back to yesterday... The whole family's crazy bout Full House now. My cousin sis and mum are way ahead of the guys in the house, having watched all the episodes till episode 12! It's pure addiction! One episode after another, nite after nite, straight after work...till 2am in the morning! Mind you, one episode is about 70 - 75 minutes long!

Yesterday, the house turned into a mini cineplex, with cineplex 1 (ME) watching episodes 1-2 on my notebook... cineplex 2 (cousin brother) watching episodes 3-4 on his pc... and lastly, the 'Grand' cineplex (cousin sister, auntie and uncle) watching episodes 10-12! This happened as soon as everyone was back from work! My auntie, being a house wife was eagerly and anxiously waiting for the 'Highlight' of her day! LOL!

Nyways... such is the extent of the craze.... (by the way, found out that my gf has like 8 boxes of 8 different Korean series!) Darn! .....and the best thing is it's only da beginning!!!!!!!

Aza Aza Fighting!

p/s: Full House review http://www.spcnet.tv/reviews/review.php?rID=770
p/s/s: My next post would probably be on Full House, as I'm currently still in the craze...

2005... a day of Infamy...

2005-12-30T14:52:00.000+08:00

"A year of great change" was the phrase used by my church pastor, of 2005. It seemed like a few weeks ago that I heard it. Deep inside, I was saying to myself "Yea... a big change in my life this year? Nah! I've got a really beautiful, devoted and loving girlfriend of whom I am planning to marry in 2 years time... I've got my job figured... I'm so comfortable with my life now and I don't see anything going wrong now..."
The fact was my life evolved around my then girlfriend. So much so that I was nothing without her. I would have been a total wreck wthout her! Many things she said that reassured me that I was the 'one' for her and vise versa. "Why would I go after another guy, when I have you?" We often joked.. I often joked that I wouldn't mind her seeing other guys, and that I was opened minded enough to have her going for another guy... just for fun... Well...

Next chapter - D' Day!
Yes. To my utter horror, it was in 2005 that all these fell to the ground... The bitterness, the hurt, the undescribable pain!!!! I was about to come to KL to work, had passed the interview stage and was confirmed a position... All this for 'her'. My sacrifices were made for the wrong reason... 'HER'. I single handedly sealed my fate! Suddenly, my perfect world came crumbling to the ground. To be crude, I felt like SHIT! I felt like the biggest fool! I'd been fooled... I'd been used! I'd been BETRAYED!

...2005 was the year I cried so much, to a point where I felt like a zombie... roaming a world full of hurts. I felt damned! I blamed MYSELF... I blamed 'her'... I blamed God! As a baby and a child, I seldom cried... even on my first few days in school. I was brought up to be strong - Be a man! Men don't cry! Yea, but all these changed in 2005! I shed more tears than I had ever done all my life.

Why? Why? Why? Damnit, why?! God, why did you have to let me bleed like this?! Words alone cannot describe how I was at my lowest of times... If only I could have ended my life, I would. Most of my days were spent on contemplating suicide and hurting 'her' and 'her' bloody cowardy partner.

..the beautiful world I had created and tried so hard to keep was robbed off me, and worse still by someone I loved with all my heart! It wasn't until a few months later that I'm slowly recovering and building myself up again. In the process, I've met an 'angel'... who's my baby now... She's such a beauty. She stood by me, encouraged me, loved me even when I was unlovable.

2005 was a year I 'died' ... But with God's ultimate grace 've been 'ressurected'... indeed, the year 2005 was a year of Great Change for me...

'the old fades... the new unfolds a new chapter in our lives... 2006'

Very Interesting and Weird Blogthings! Check dis out!

2005-12-28T17:11:00.000+08:00

I'll leave it to the pictures to do all the talking... ;)

Your Monster Profile

Cruel Cannibal

You Feast On: Fried Twinkies

You Lurk Around In: The Ocean

You Especially Like to Torment: Republicans

What's Your Monster Name?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Captain Winky

What's Your Porn Star Name?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.

Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.

Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.

And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Are A Jealous Ex

You're not quite over your past, and you are hurt that your ex is moving on
You're no longer in love, but you're not done with being pissed
Jealous of any happiness that comes your ex's way, you still can't let go

What Type of Ex Are You?

p/s: bout the ex thing... hmmms... I love you still, babes! B... ;) ->you know who u r... u sexy ;)

Kissing Purity Test???

2005-12-28T13:50:00.000+08:00

Your Kissing Purity Score: 69% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing

Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

I'm a 69% percent! Wow! 69? Wooo... A coincidence? 69?! Muahahahahaaa! What about you?

p/s: I wonder what my baby'd say... I guess the test does not lie ;)

Don't you just hate it...

2005-12-14T08:52:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate it when...

You're having flu and fever that goes on and off?
You go to a doctor and she does not give you a bloody sick leave?!
You're feeling damn sleepy at work, especially in the early mornings?
You just want to be back home, sleeping throughout the day?
You want to leave your current job to pursue something else?
You're contemplating your future…

~sigh~

OMG! ...a continuation of my NAIL BITING fantasies...

2005-12-09T10:17:00.000+08:00

Okay, okay... Enough of football. Now to continute with my promise... the continuation of my nail-bitting fantasies.... or should I say my most 'taboo' food, My Nails. Harharhar. Here's what happened in the last 3 days. My nails on my pointer finger on my left hand had already been beautifully landscaped. My cuticles have been gone for a while now (It’s been ‘trimmed’… harhar). A week ago, I had the urge to dig outer layer, nearest to my nail… resulting in me biting off, or should I say peeling off the outer layers one by one. The layers started peeling very nicely, I’d say!

Slowly… passionately peeling, with my teeth… mind you. Until I suddenly realized that I was into the thinnest layer, the most bottom layer, and after that, I would haveta say is the flesh! I do not dare go beyond that, coz then it’ll hurt like hell! Nyways, I stopped, pressed the layer and OMG! I felt like that particular area of my nail was so soft! Try putting a thin plastic sheet over yer skin and press it… very soft… but it does not go through yet… I should say… as soft as a baby’s bottom… LOL

Nyways, I left it at that. Too much saliva had been wasted, and I needed a drink to curb my thrist… Furthermore, I think my manager saw me savoring my nails!! It’s not ethical?! Harhar…

Ok. 2 days ago, I started peeling at it, coz there was a split in the area, which was soft as a baby’s bottom… I just had to start biting. Slowly it came off… bit by bit, until OUCH! OMFG! It reached my flesh (or at least that’s what I felt…). It started bleeding! BLOOD OOZING out! Not like I’ve never experienced it before! So, eventually I stopped!
The next day, it hurt like hell! It’s like when I put pressure on that particular finger, blood would ooz out… Not like I could not stand the pain… Nyways, it got to a point that I put too much pressure until it swelled up a little… Alright…alright… I’m getting carried away in my nail-biting fantasies now. I’ll just stop and let you have a peep at my finger… I’ll end with this picture. It’s blur, but you’ll get the picture ;)

P/S: Will upload a clearer pic sometime later...

a Tribute to Man United following a shock defeat to Benfica...

2005-12-08T10:39:00.000+08:00

What a day! Manchester United... only ze greatest football club... EVER has fallen to 'unknown' minnows, Benfica 2-1. Damn! Damn! Damn! No wander I did not sleep well last nite... Can we bounce back from such a defeat??? After 9 straight years qualifying for the knockout stages??? Darn!

A note to Fergie (if he ever reads this...) : Stop rating Fletcher so highly! He ain't as good as you make him sound! Park, Ronaldo and Giggs are the way to go! Fletcher is no where to be seen half the time he plays... He's mostly making wrong passes, and he lacks confidence... Any fool can see that; with the way he runs, his positioning! So, if Man U were to flourish again, you'd better think hard bout giving Fletcher priority above the other players! Damn! Or maybe we do need new blood for a manager! Long live Man U!

To Heinze: Get well soon! We're going downhill ever since you've been gone! Heinze, only ze greatest left-back ever!!!! Muahahahahahaaaa!

A dream I wish I didn't have...

2005-12-07T09:20:00.000+08:00

The past... it haunts... dreams! Damn those dreams! Damn someone! Damn someone again! It does take time for our past memories to stop effecting us. I just had to have the dream last nite?! Damn! It was about me meeting her... brought back sweet and sad memories again... Why do these things happen? Why break ups? Why after 7 bloody long years? Why?! Why?! Why?!

Back then, I used to be compared to her father... of how her father was the best man ever... I tried, I really did try, but I'm not him. Now, She's found a guy who has the same qualities as her father... ~sigh~

Nyways, I'm tellin myself that it's over, it's in the past... and that I'm moving on... this time with a very special someone... Someone who makes me smile, someone who tries so hard to accomodate me (I appreciate that so much), someone whom I've had a connection also from the very far past... The thing I love most about her is the fact that she shares almost the same interests as me, which is so cool! Finally, I find someone who likes heavy, hardcore music, someone who's spiritually connected, someone who admires me for the person I am... Someone who tries so hard to like aquasculpture... someone who's very loved by my family and my lil sis, which is a definate plus!

"A guy with a new webcam... A girl with a webcam..."

2005-12-06T14:54:00.000+08:00

Well what d'ya know... I've won the bid for a new webcam on www.lelong.com.my Now comes the interesting episodes in life *wicked grin... LOL Anyone interested in joining in the 'fun'? I bet you know what 'fun' webcams are capable of giving... *Wicked grin AGAIN! Nyways, I don't wanna cuase trouble here... I'm pretty aware that someone reads my blog, so... here's what you guys should be reading:

Yay! Bought a webcam. Now I can use it for the benefit of Mel... *wink. Now both of us can see each other when we talk online... (hmmmms... stops and ponders...) *wicked grin again... Then again... It kinda sounds... not too 'right' also... Harharharharhar! Muahahahahaaaaa! So well, you guys just figure it out!
"a guy with a new webcam... a girl with a webcam... "
Okay! I'll stop here!!!!!! ;)

My 5 Top Memorable Childhood 'Food'

2005-12-05T12:08:00.000+08:00

Hmmms, got these from Mel... It's damn complicated and I dunno what to do! Wahahahaha! Added stress! HAizzzz...

MEME tagging instructions:List down the last 5 (including yourself) ["I only see 3 leh?"] who have been tagged and then followed by those who are GOING to be tagged (at least 3, or more) so here goes :
Jeremy C
Me
slenz
And I know some of these tags will be lost to:
Mr. J
totoro
The Purple Bastard

Ok, here goes...
My 5 Childhood memories of things I loved to eat are... Jeng Jeng Jeng...

1. Ding Dang! Yea... a cheaper and much cooler version of M&Ms... They came in little 'sinful' chocolate balls with nuts in them. Wishing I had a pic of the packaging. Nyways, the coolest thing that came with it was the little kiddy toys that you get to find inside! Harharhar... nyways, they're just too kiddy for me to describe now... Moving on...

2. 2 Flower MeeDried up noodles... Hmmms come to think of it, we were actually eating precooked instant noodles in packets! Darn! No wander I've been having a constant craving for instant noodles like MAggi ever since I was young... Damn! They know how to start us young, huh??? The cool factor: If you're fortunate enough, you'll get a coupon that says 20 cents! Yay! a refund of 20 cents, meaning I can buy another packet of 2 flower mee for FREE! YAY! Till now, I still do 'occasionally' buy a packet or two, or three, or four... LOL@!

3. Doraemon Mee A smaller version of 2 Flower Mee... It was smaller and CHEAPER, bout 10 cents only! It made sense to buy a whole lot of these little dried up noodles to munch during classes or in between classes... They were much easier to hide in class! That's why they were such hits! Muahahahahahaaaa!

4. Tomato Ketchup (Tomato Sos - Kiddy language) with white, plain rice!Yea... believe it or not! I think my lil sis and I were the first to invent Tomato Mee in the form of Tomato Rice... I know, I know... it sounds familiar... BUT imagine this... we would take plain, white rice... and pour a whole lot of Tomato Ketchup (Maggi brand) Mix it up and eat a whole mountain of Red, bloody rice... Harharharhar! Vampires! Dat was de bomb!

5. Last and not least... my all time favourite! NAILS! NAILS! NAILS! Fingers and toes... Yeaps! I love bitting my finger nails! I've even gone a step further by bitting my toe nails, though it kinda left me now... Now, I'm very concentrated on 'decorating' my finger nails! LOL@! I tell you... finger nail bitting is a very personal and emotional experience... For once, yer nails become yer food, yer passion and yer best friend! Even if nobody's talking to you in a party, yer nails are yer best friend! HArharhar... I could actually dedicate a whole post on nail bitting... Hey, I will! Next Post! YAy! Nyways, here is a picture of my 'beautiful', highly decorated finger nails, complete with various craters and ditches and layers... Check it out!

So, those are my all time 5 best childhood food! Hope you enjoyed it...

Is this all to me???

2005-12-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

What the %$@$! I'm pissed now! I've typed 2 blurdy times and IE keeps crashing! Blurdy! I'm demotivated... pissed and angry! People around me, my fellow colleagues... some are just 2-faced liars... just waiting for the right time to back-stab! It's depressing... the job??? A challenge??? Yea right.. it's more like a challenge to like the job! It's not of interest to me at all! Switch departments? Yea, that's a choice... but when?! With this company being half dead and having fooked up dealings and polistics, I'd have to wander when I'll ever get to where I want to be! The blurdy traffic, high expenses etc... just makes it worse! It's not like Kuching... It's just too hectic! I'm praying that my situation here will be a short-lived one! Please! Please! Get me outta here! I'm blurdy depressed! But again, I'll make the best of things... I'll TRY so HARD to like the job I'm doing... ~sigh~

...a rose will always be a rose

2005-12-02T09:08:00.000+08:00

You stood by me… you loved me when I was unlovable; you cried many tears… now it’s my turn… I’ll stand by you… I’ll be your shoulder to cry on… Hurts and the guilt… they come and they go… we’ll just have to ride the waves of life and leave it to a higher calling. For now, I just want you to know that whatever guilt you’ve had, it does not matter to me… What matters most is how you’re coming out of it… the way you’re so strong and willing to lay it all down speaks more than that of your guilt in the past… I honor that about you. I love you more and more, and I wander how I had not seen all these when we were once together… a rose will always be a rose… a rose gets battered by storms, fall and die… a new rose blooms again… Just like a rose, a new chapter is unfolding… let’s leave the past and go towards the light at the end of the tunnel together…

an aching heart... yearns for you...

2005-11-24T10:25:00.000+08:00

baby, there are many things I want you to know... Deep inside, I’m still searching for the meaning and answers to my past and to my future… The scars are there to stay… But this I know… you’ve been so strong for me… I’m so blessed to have a friend and a partner like you…. Baby, I’ll fail you time and time again, but I know with God in our midst, whatever will happen, I have comfort that it’ll be for the better of us two… I ‘m so sorry for all the grief and pain you’ve gone through… I don’t want you to hurt no more… Even if the world will fall and people turn against us, I’ll be there for you… Friends are forever… I love you……

So much going... and so much confusion... Where do I stand?

2005-10-31T11:31:00.000+08:00

Like the title says. I'm still confused... At times, I wished I was just dreaming... and that my heart is just playing a fool on me... Why the heart? Why do we need a heart? Why can't things just be in black and white... No choices to make and everything's layed out and planned for you. Just follow the lines... follow the imprints in the sand, and that'll lead you to the sea... paradise...

I wish! I so wished that it wuz that easy :( Life's just this way... the struggles... the heart aches, the pain and suffering... Sometimes u wished it'll all just go... really? Is it possible? Even with God innit? Is it possible? Life... just live it to the fullest, people say... BUT what the heck for? Is there more to life than it already is? More shit and suffering? ~sigh~

U know what? My conclusion is... we've gotta be more child-like... Why complicate things when they are already as complicated as hell?! I'm just gonna pretend I'm an over-grown baby... and I'll stick to that! See the world thru the eyes of a boy... I really think there's a truth and a Godly truth in that phrase too...

We're just children playing on earth, running into shit and hopefully learning from it... the point??? Yea... the way I see it, even with all the complicated, scientific researches to find out why we're here on earth... has there ever been a more comforting answer??? NO! Well, at least for me, there hasn't been...

It's just inbuilt in us, humans that there is a higher calling, a higher power at work... not in science... what are they gonna prove? I personally think that even till death, they'll be trying to prove our very existance on earth and it'll never end... even on their dying bed... they'll still be wandering... and will be back at question number one... Why are we here? and now that they're on the dying bed, they'll prob be wandering... Where do I go now? Or what's gonna happen after I die in a few moments???

SAD... SAd... so sad... So, my challenge to all of us is... go find the true meaning of life before it's too late!! Sounds stoopid... I know... sounds easy... I know... BUT it's either that, or u're end up like what I've just described earlier...

~sigh~

Damn... Car or no car??! Damn those warts!! Damn!!!!!

2005-10-24T09:07:00.000+08:00

Shaits! Shaits! Shaits! What da fcuk?! Damn those three damn korns/warts on me right feet! Stoopid arse! It hurts quite bad, and having to walk 10 minutes with gentlemen shoes does not help a wee bit! Damn!

I wish........ Damn! Just found out that my bloody phone's been barred! Stoopid Maxis! DAmn! What a bloody damn day...!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Then there's my car to worry bout, the last car could not be sold to me, even tho my laon was approved! Stoopid owner! He did not pay his installments, so he owed quite a lot to the bloody bank! Shaits! Now, I'm counting on gettin a loan for another car... stoopid! Plus these warts hurt when I walk... esp when I have to walk for damn long to work and from work! Ass! ARSE!!!! Damn... this car loan better get thru, or I'll just flip! Shit!

Someone, please.... please... arfgghhhhhhhhhhh! I'm so damn pissed now! Think will only start working this afternoon!

Cars... Cars.. Cars... and then there was...... OMG!

2005-10-18T09:28:00.000+08:00

Yea.. u heard me... I went to want the movie, GOAL last nite in TGV, Sunway... Oh, and I should say... I met my former student, one I taught in a private school in Kuching. OMG! yea... it was damn freaky... first it was meeting her, then her guy friend happened to know my friends too... and suddenly, it turned into a little minnie get-to-gether kinda thing. At the end of the day, everyone or most everyone knew someone or another in TGV! Freaky! Then well, that's that... So, hi, Anna... if u're reading this... not like u would ;)

GOAL exceeded my expectations. I taught it was gonna be just another crappy, lamo movie that had celebrities in it. But wow! It was not at all that... It was sooo kewl, to say the least! Really felt as if I was in a stadium kinda atmosphere, the director/producer was brilliant in that he knew how to set the mood and set the ambience so that even sceptical viewers like me got drawn into the plot. Kudosh! Definately a must see for anyone... esp footballers, and better still Newcastle fans (Not that I am one... Man Utd RULES!) sorry... harhar... GO watch GOAL... GOAL... GOAL... sheesssh, they shud pay me for this free advert on ze movie, ler...

After the movie... went to the car park, bout to go when ..... Oh My GAWD! Oh my GAWD! Look at that SaVvy! It looks like.... ahemmmm... I choose to remain silent here. You guys complete my sentence for me, yar... Sorry dat the pic is of an inferior quality. Blame it on my silly pocket pc phone... :( And... it's back to OMG... OMG!!!! Look at that piece of........... (Check out the techy looking, aluminium thing hanging on the top back...) I think it belongs to Ultraman! LOL@! Ultraman in Sunway Piramid!!!! Harharhar... Again.... OMG!

In a daze... been dazzled by....

2005-10-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

In a daze...
Where do we go from here?
We fight, we quarell,
We make up... Conflicts... ARGHHHHH!
One question here, Are we meant to be together?
Only time will tell...
~sigh~

Are we meant to be together?
Only time will tell...
Are we FINALLY together?
I guess the answer is... YES!
~smile~

In a daze...

2005-10-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

...In a daze

Where do we go from here?
We fight, we quarell,
...We make up
Conflicts... ARGHHHHH!
One question here,
Are we meant to be together?
...Only time will tell
~sigh~

Anyone seen a 'deep purple' river???

2005-10-13T08:42:00.000+08:00

Yucks! Reaffirms my view on how poluted KL can be. Was on the way to work... nice gloomy day (Just the day I like... I luv gloomy days and rainy days. Why? I guess I love dark, gothic things... not that I'm a goth myself... harhar)

Nyways, I was looking out the bus... was on Federal higway, heading for the intersection going to Sunway, and to my ultimate 'horror' and 'disgust'... Whole and behold... a purple river on my left!!!! Seriously, the water flowing in the river/concrete monsoon drain was PURPLE (<- Almost like this purple...)! Can you believe it??? It was as if I was transported to some sci-fi movie... Kuala Lumpur... in the year 3500 AD. Man! So damn gross, and somewhere along the strecth was a patch of GREEN, healthy looking grass growing in the midst of all that purple water!

Makes me think... sheeeesh so living things in KL are feeding on polution whilst growing well and healthy??? My gosh! Get me outta here... FAST! May Day! MAY DAY!

A New life... ~sigh~

2005-10-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

A new life has begun... in fact, it's been a week plus now. Life in MAS. Hmmms it's not too bad. Just a lot of things to learn and discover.

Hey, got myself a big cubical though... I'd say, 12ft X 12ft... Harhar... Am thinking of starting a little planted tank in my cubical. Financial constraints... arghhhhhhhhhh!

Had a really bloody bad/good start to KL life. It's been ups and downs for the last 1 week plus. But hey, getting my car prob this Thursday. Hurray! No modifications though... typical no money reason. :( It's all about the Monay, Monay MONAY!!!

Well... It's all new here, and in pretty much a mess, i'd say.... so nothing much to report except that I'm here... and missing Kuching already. What can I say, I'm a Kuchingian at heart, will always be. Well, u KLnites out there... PM me or contact me ler... ;)

Peace out!

My Last Farewell speech...

2005-09-30T10:57:00.000+08:00

Kuching... I grew up here, I cried here, I hurt here, I laughed here, Memories... KL... I loved there, I hurt there, I struggled there... I missed Kuching... There's no place like home. :)

I vowed to never go back to KL to study/work... I know it's close by... but I'm a homey guy. Lately, I've met someone... someone who makes me laugh... someone who makes me cry.. someone who steps on my toes every now and then. She does not know it, but I was sobbing on the inside... knowing that I will have to part for a brief moment, just when our relationship was taking off. Such a sad situation, one that I've come to know before... Why does this all have to happen? Why? Why? God, why?

KL, a place I dread even more, with memories of the past coming to haunt me. Hurt heals... yea, but could someone press the forward button, please??? Hurt and love comes together... they're bound to cross each others' paths many times in our lives. That's the way life goes... As sad as it may sound, it's what makes, breaks and molds the person we become today.

I'm soo heavy hearted to even step onto the plane later at 3:20pm... Yea.. I hate farewells! But then again who does... I choose to slip and fade away without being noticed... like a silent thief exiting a house... That's just me. I hope she understands. As funny as it sounds, I take it as if I'm going to KL for a business trip for 3 months at a time. Yes, in 3 month's time, I shall be back! Back to Kuching again! I can't wait! I know, people tell me that's not the way... but hey, I've survived and prospered this way all this while...

I hope she can find solace in this... I've told her over and over again... don't be sad, I'll be back in 3 month's time... and it'll probably be that way for the whole year... if I do last ;)

Arghhhhhhhh... I just don't know how else to feel or think. I just fel so heavy hearted right now, and I'll miss the company of all three people... Carolyn, Datuk, and most of all, Rose... They were the ones who lifted me up after my difficult break up and healing... I owe them sooo much! Last nite was soo difficuly... in CE, I had soo much to say... of how much I'd miss them... but I couldn't bring myself to say it... but if they do read this, I just wanna sum all my words up with a Thanks a million, I will miss you guys sooooo very much, that it breaks my heart to... and God bless... Will always be thinking about you guys!

Arghhhhhhh.... then again... I've just too many things to say and write that I'll just stop and say my last goodbye from Kuching! Chao.......

Crossroads! Crossroads! Crossroads!!

2005-09-17T09:33:00.000+08:00

Fark! Why is deciding between a job offer in an airlines company and other options so damn hard?! I don't mind the job in the airlines, it's challenging, but the lifestyle in KL sucks! Plus I've appealed not once, but TWICE for a salary review, but the damn, fookin HR Manager insists on budging! I am worth more than you pay me, MORON!

It sucks when people tell you that you're just worth **** Bloody hell! I'm worth more than that! Is that a sign that I'm not supposed to take up the offer? But the company's very reputable. At the same time, there are 6000-7000 people in the same level as mine. How is it possible to climb the corporate ladder? Plus... there's obvious that there's politics involved, and there are all this fookin 'Bumi' priviledges!

Damn you! Damn Malaysia... for all these fookin rights! BUT then again, we cannot go against the constitution! In a way, I'm living in a shit hole which practices 'favouratism'... it's in the fookin constitution and yet we say we're 'democratic'??? Fark! Fark! Fark!

But then again, (mellowing down) which country does not have some form of 'race unfairness' in them????? You say, Australia... the US... Africa... they all have some form of it... So anywhere in this world is the same! Damn! Haveta get me a 'bumi' wife... LOL@! HAveta take advantage of the rights thing! (Sorry... juzt Kiddin ;) )

So anyways, I'm juggling between going to KL, living on a tight budget OR staying where I am and looking to get a higher pay (hopefully... will know by next Tuesday) and possibly going into my own business within 2 years time!

Problem is that the airlines job is a long term job, it's secure... If I stay back home, it's uncertain, BUT I can jump and do start my own business. It's flexible here at home, BUT insecure. Which would you pick? The airlines job or an uncertain situation at home, but with the possibility of starting my own business, which I am aiming for iwthin these 2 years. ????? Choices... choices... choicess.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOOKKKKKKKKKK!

Humans afterall...

2005-09-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

Baby... I'd recommend you read this post by this guy> http://kyels.com/wordpress/?p=166
this guy's got a point that we could all learn from...

It's all about you, you, you!

2005-09-13T13:39:00.000+08:00

It's all about you??? YOU and YOU! How I break yer heart... leave you in the dark??? Is that it? Then I'm sorry... it's not about you and you and you and you! I'm sure you'll defend yourself and the way you feel. Yes! I know, you deserve all the pity and support and assurances you NEED! In the end... it's all about you, you and you!

You say it's all my onbringing? That's the same thing you said to yer eX. Now tell me that it's not always about you, you and you?! I'm sorry, but to me, that's how it sounds like. You, You, You... how you hurt... and how you hurt... That's all I read in yer blog... STOP HURTING ME... that's it? Wow! You, You, You... didn't it ever occur why it's not yer fault too??? No, coz it seems like the more I read yer blog, it's about how you hurt... not much about also admitting yer faults?? NO! It's gotta be about how much you soooo HURT! I've got my faults... I admitted to you... face-to-face... does it have to go through BLOGS????????! DAMN!

WHY? Do you need to vent and find sollace, pity and support through the Internet? Maybe... but the downright truth is that it's all about You, You, and You! Smell the fresh air and wake up, gal before it eats you up!!

I'm sorry, but it's not always about you, girl!! Damn!

Bringing back the 'NEW FUN' into blogging!! ;)

2005-09-12T19:47:00.000+08:00

Hmms blogging... you mind yer own business, and people mind their own business... in REAL LIFE! BUT, in cyber space, people tend to be more darring. Hmmmms I wander, what could it be? Could it be that they don't dare say it face-to-face?! Or they're just cowards?! I wander...

Ah-but-then... as the wise Phua Chu Kang would say... Blogging is just for FUN! Pure fun! FREE SPEECH as quoted by many people. When something offends people, it's always, WAT? FREE SPEECH, wat! So, hmms really? Wow! I can say anything, provoke people and mind their business and just say, well it's my thinking, no need to be worked up about it!

FREE SPEECH it is~! Yes, afterall, blogging is just for fun, it's people's thoughts... thoughts that are meant to be private! So anyways... Here's one thought for you 'guys' MIND YOU, it's all for fun... dun't get offended... well at least on cyber space u're not 'supposed' to be offended.

FUCK YOU ALL! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL! Burn and Rot in hell, together with Satan... no help is coming yer way, coz you're doomed, doomed to the furthest regions of sorrow... doomed to lick yer fucking wounds... Doomed to roam this earth throughout eternity, to loose the ones you love... to loose them through freak accidents... heads crushed by cars, stabbed thru the head, suicide by suffocation... many more freak accidents! Just die... you'll just DIE! I hope you all do... MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then again... this is all fun! LOL@ MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

So KISS MY ASS!

Don't give me shit today, ok?!

2005-09-12T11:59:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to get on with my life... call me a jerk... whatever you want... BUT just don't give me shit today... !!!! Thank you!

Closing of the old; Opening of a new Chapter

2005-09-11T10:15:00.000+08:00

It's always hard; letting go of 7 years of ones life...

It hurts so bad, it's like a deep cut that has left a permanent scar... I wished it hadn't been so. Tears, pain, anger, sadness... WHY? I'm asking why... God, why? Why me???

Call it selfishness, self pity... Whatever it may be... I'm scarred for life. What can I do? Stop and lick my wounds??? Wishing and hoping that one day we're be together again? Is going back in time going to heal my hurts??? My answer - NO! Wake up and smell the fresh air! Time to move on... Time to let go and continue the journey of life!

Yea... yesterday, I made a call to my ex's mother... She's been so loving and supportive all these while. To tell you the truth, she was my second mum. It's really sad that I won't be able to call her mum. She was the one who encouraged me all the 7 years I was with my ex. I am the person I am now partly because of this great lady! I love her to bits... you could say.

Now I see where my ex got her character from... Back to her mum - She's such a strong character... she speaks her mind! I loved that bout my ex! Both were strong, opiniated ladies! Independent... and yet sooo loving...

...IT's time for me to move on and open a new chapter to my life... I've found a lady (R) with the same qualities and what's more is that she has almost the same interests as me... What a plus! It's so sad to let go of my past... but I guess if there ever will be a perfect timing, now will be the time.

R... she just supports me. She's put up with shit from me, which I'm sorry about... She's been so damn patient.. She lights up my day... A new chapter is beginning...and I can't wait to see how it turns out.....................

Breaking News: 8 Eleven in Kuching!!!!

2005-09-10T21:58:00.000+08:00

Was down at Green Road, for those Kuchingians... Found out that we're much more advanced than West Malaysia. Check this out... 8 Eleven! Sells all things not found in 7 Eleven! LOL@ Yo! West Malaysians... 9 Eleven, anyone??? I wander, maybe they sell instant Kolo Mee and Laksa!

ME and my EX...

2005-09-09T12:01:00.000+08:00

What u MEANT to me... once... before...

2005-09-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

Someone sweet talked me into breaking up with her; promised she'll not pursue with d other guy 4 a period of time. In a month's time she tells me she's not only pursuing a relationship, but worse still is getting registered!!!!

She throws 7 years of relationship, tears, hardship & best of times for a person she's met for a few months (2 months). If only she can feel how much she's destroyed her ex's Heart. How much he hurts even till now.

How much tears her ex shed. How much hope was crushed. How much pain. How she completely killed the person she once loved so much. How she broke his spirit. How he is constantly haunted by flashes of her angelic smile & happy times. How he sometimes seem to hear her voice when she isn't there...

"I'm crying on the inside, wishing it was all a nightmare, wishing I'd wake up & see your angelic face staring at me, your angelic eyes meeting mine, holding my hands, telling me you love me.

I missed everything about u. The way u liked to kiss my eyes every morning, your cute face...

Ling, I love you so much I'd fight for you! I'd die for you. I know u more than he does... I love you more than he ever will... we've sacrificed so much... Please dun let us die... Please... Please... it's not too late... Please... JC Forever ~sob~ 125 "

...that was then, so
FooK OFF! I HATE YOU!

Morons! Imbecilles! Dim-wits!

2005-09-09T10:27:00.000+08:00

Why? Why? Why?!!!!! Arghhhhhhhh!

Idiots! Was just downstairs rearranging books in the bookstore! Darn! I'm in Marketing! What da hell am I supposed to do arranging the books?! Fark! Helping the bookstore staffdo their job when they just stand around! Fark! This is just toooo farking much!

Sometimes although I treat them as equals, I just feel like they're low lying pests! Especially now... I ask them to do things, they say ok. Then after that, they say ... Oh, sorry, but we're busy!

Busy my FOOT!!!! Liars! If they had the time to walk around and stand around at the counter, then don't they have innitiatives to rearrange books??? You don't expect customers to come in and think that... oh it's ok if the books are messy... they are 'busy' people! Fark ler!

Bloody ass holes! If I were the supervisor, manager of the bookstore, I'd just give them PIECES of my mind, and OFF they go! If you've got no innitiative, then fuck off! Piss off! Lazy brats!

Busy my FOOT! They're just standing at the counter, chit chatting!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!

Fook break ups!

2005-09-08T11:49:00.000+08:00

Why start when 7 years down the road when you get sooo emotionally attached, it all goes KABOOM! IN YOUR FACE! Shit! That's my love life... You;'re so in love and bloody committed to a person for 7 bloody years, and one day she calls you to say it's over! Fark! Fark! Fark!

You think to yourself... why? WHY? WHY? Why.. bloody farking why? What went wrong? When you ask the other half... she just says, she's over it... But she hides the fact that she has another lover in mind already! Bloody hell! I felt like flying to KL to confront and kill someone! The anger and questions surrounding me was just so overwhelming that I was sooo willing to KILL someone at that time! I was thinking of ways to hurt her back... to hurt her secret lover etc...@!!

If only she's reading this... I wished that what she did to me, she'll get the same thing back! I blurdy hell hope so...! I am so hoping so... that's the extent of my anger, bitterness, frustration and revenge. I wished she gets hurt... very hurt by that bloody lover of hers and she'll one day come back to tell me what had happen, and I'll just give her A FARKING Bitch Ass SLAP!... Spit at her FARKING FACE! and say... "Now you bloody know what you put me through...! BIATCH! FARKing BIATCH! Burn in H*LL!

........ mellowing down... then again... I once loved her soooo much that it hurts to even think of it... I still do have some kind of feeling towards her... bloody hell, I was goin to take her as my wife by then, we were planning for it!!!! I know I should just forget her and move on... I know... but sometimes I just feel like letting it all out! Letting it all out for her to feel my anger and frustration and how she's got me this FUCKED UP!!!! Christine... you hurt me... I hope you hurt... I wish you all the 'best'...................

"Lord, please forgive me... I am down and broken... I'm licking my wounds... Please tell me You're here for me..."

Stoopid adverts! LOL

2005-09-08T11:03:00.000+08:00

Was just browsing my comp when I came across this advert I saved from M*t*r Tr*der, Malaysia. These people should just go kick themselves in their nuts! Nyways... enjoy stoopid Engrish! Go Malaysian stoopid engrish! LOL!

Yes! Yes! Buy this car and you get a FREE accident! Hurry... Hurry... only RM21,800! BEfore that I'd recommend that you get insurance from me first! Har HAr! LOL!

What a day!

2005-09-08T09:36:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate it when people don't do what they're told? Blurdy idiots! Please ler... I specifically told the bookstore supervisor what to do and how to do it yesterday. But then I came in this morning and... DAMN! Nothing was done! Not a bloody thing!

I have to do things myself?! Shit! Shit! Shit! Why do I have to do things myself??? Why does the bookstore staff have such stoopid attitude?s! Shaits! It's gettin' on me nerves now!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Why blog when you can't...

2005-09-07T13:57:00.000+08:00

Blogging. What a word? Blog? How lame is the word blog? What is blogging anyways? Got these two definitions:

A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using software that allows people with little or no technical background to update and maintain the blog. Postings on a blog are almost always arranged in chronological order with the most recent additions featured most prominently. www.matisse.net/files/glossary.html
Slang term for a weblog. A Web log, for the uninitiated, is a popular and fairly personal content form on the Internet. A person’s Web log is almost like an open diary. It chronicles what a person wants to share with the world on an almost daily basis. www.brilliant-id.com/site/index.php

So what's this crap about free speech and all??? It's basically an ONLINE JOURNAL. Being online, it's available for the world to read.

Lately, I came across some pretty weird or should I say 'silly dilly' bloggers (no names to be mentioned) from my part of the world. Some of them are just purely contradicting themselves whilst trying soooo damn hard to defend their actions... but what the fook for?!

Dun't mind me saying this ler... I just find their actions pretty stooooopid. First they were bloggers, then they turned FREE SPEECH radicals, claiming that yea... blogging is free speech! Then they just turned into little children! Screaming at each others' throats... trying their best to undo and fix and at the same time reconcile and defend their actions... My goat! MY goat also not that stoopid worr!

Now, this is my take on it.

Now, some stoopid idiot puts up an offensive or aggresive statement in his/her online journal... mind you, ONLINE... this stoopid 'Dungu' (Idiot) should already know that it's online and people from all walks of life will see and read it, right??? I think not. They seem to forget that writting a personal thought in yer traditional, physical journal isn't ze same as an online journal! So let me tell you... it isn't the SAME! Bloody 'Dungus'!

So back 2 ze story. U put up an offensive statement, and of course u claim it's personal to u. Bloody idiot! Who would not be offended?! Are you for real?! Or you're just living under a coconut shell??? There are millions of people all entitled to their opinions, as promoted by these 'dungus' in ze first place... (FREE SPEECH... mah). Now u tell me not even one should take offense with what u just posted for ALL to SEE??? Wahlau... Tai Lorr (Cantonese for Big Brother) ah!

It gets worse... then when they get into trouble... whereby people start bombarding them left, right, top and bottom, they finally stop and think... BUT what do they do next? They defend themselves by saying that it's only their personal thought/comments... FREE SPEECH comes into play again. Then they 'beg' their haters to stop harrassing them... stop posting hate comments... WHY??? Aren't these so-called troublemakers/harassers/haters entitled to their fair share of FREE SPEECH too?! After all, these bloggers started the FREE SPEECH thingy first... to defend their postings!

To these dungu bloggers... I'd say, you deserve it... Afterall, what can you do about it? You reap what you sow...

Think about it... if everyone in this world were to say anything that comes into their mind without some kind of filtration, the whole world will be full of hate, sorrow and hurts! The world will be at civil war 24/7! So, to these dungu bloggers... yes to free speech... B U T control yerselves, damn it! Somethings you know are best kept 2 yerself, so keep de damn thing to yourselves!@ Don't be a careless coward and say it, and then regret by defending yerself and begging people not to HATE you, when in the first place you hurt people! Don't invite unnecessary trouble! Don't give the crap that other people are not civilized enuf to accept yer views and take it with a pinch of salt... when you in the first place are not civilized enuf to know where to draw the LINE!!!!!!!!

Stop missusing online blogs for yer own satisfactions, Damn It!!

<-food for thought...

Love... it's just a feeling???

2005-09-07T10:28:00.000+08:00

What I feel... what I think... I just dunno. Lots of issues, too short a time. Why? Why?

What's love? Issit just a feeling? Issit the overwhelming feeling that one gets when you first start dating or your first kiss? What issit? Is it that short lived? Is it that meaningless? Flowers? Sex? What is it???

My take on love...

Love is more than a feeling. More than a mere burning desire to be with someone. More than a kiss. More than sex. I'd say that love is a commitment. A commitment to be with someone even through the rough times... Yea of course people say they fall out of love, but is that true? Personally, I don't think so. If someone would fall out of love, I'd say that his/her perception of love is different... they perceive it as only a feeling.

Why is that many people, even people I know get a divorce or commit adultery after 2 or 3 years of marriage? They say that they can't love anymore. What's this world coming to? If you think it through... it's becoz the world has painted such a distorted image of love that it's just hurting us. In the movies, in songs... what they preach is love = feeling. No feeling, means you're out of love; you don't love anymore.

It's getting even shittier I'd say with love = sex. My personaly opinion... wake up, people! Take any Hollywood star for example. Look at their marriages. Sad... sad... sad... When's it gonna end? A wife every 2 or 3 years? A husband every 2 or 3 years? How fook iz dat? Is this it?

Take marriage vows for example... I believe there's this clause that says something like you'll be with her through sickness and in health... bla bla bla and till' DEATH do us PART!

I think many people just overlook this part. They say it as a formality only. They never mean it... If they did, then why all these divorcing??? It gets worse with divorce after divorce... and their main reasons are often... well, I'm still searching for real love! What???? We're just doomed to this kinda life? Just trying to find real love???! Meaning... our whole life is centered on finding real LOVE! How fooked are we? How hopeless!! I'm just so sad... so sad... so sad... If only people will know that love is more than a feeling, it's a commitment you make to the other to be together NO MATTER WHAT!

It's common to loose the 'feeling', but what are you gonna do about it? Leave it and say you're gonna find a new partner coz u've fallen out of love? I'd say... a commitment is a commitment... a relationship involves effort. You work things out. You try new things you make yourself love again. It's hard, but it's possible... If one were to just give up, divorce and marry again... what are the odds that the same cycle won't happen again??? It will! It's guaranteed to happen again! Why? coz he/she has not learnt the real meaning of love...

Think about it...

Vavaaaaaahhhhhhhh..... ahhhhhh

2005-09-06T16:00:00.000+08:00

wat I did after work??? figure it out yaself! peace out!
It's a series of events that leads to... ultimate ease!
Please view from the LEFT to ze RIGHT... ladies... gentlemen... sit back, relax and enjoy...

Ahhhhhhhhhh........ wat a surreal and emotional experience... an explotion of emotions that last sad to say, only a few seconds... kinda like... hmmmms... Ahhhhhhh.....

The smell.... Love it! Smells like CK2.5... the one that did not make ze grade... LOL

p/s: Juzt tot I'd share this experience with u guys... Luv ya all! LOL

Lavavavoom!

2005-09-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

Oh fark! I'm into blogging now! Shaits! No thanx to some bloggers whom I choose not to reveal now (ahem...) It's a virus... it's a damn virus! Help! Herlllp! All you non-bloggers out there... save yer virgin selves before it's too lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Argggghhhhhh! I can't fight it anymore... no more... no more!

Okok... back to where I was saying... where was I? hmmms... ~sigh~

Oh yea...

Oh well... to those reading. My blog... my blog... it's gonna be mostly 'short' and sweet! Straight to ze point and kick Arse! I'm gonna be a total nut case here than compared to what I really am on the outside (like nobody is doin ze same... lamer me!)! So to Ms. Hedonistic... u've met yer match, sista!